return my video game
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
