You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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