My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
