He uses pillows to masturbate.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
