He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
