And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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