I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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