All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
