so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
