When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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