It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I wear drunk well.
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