hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
