just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
