I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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