Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
