Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
