if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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