you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
try to milk me bitch
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
