Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
