it's too hot outside to masturbate.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
