Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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