i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
