So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
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He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
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