I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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