you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
