ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
