just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
