There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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