Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
