or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
