Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
