he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
