2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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