I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
