I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize