Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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