my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
