You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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