Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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