I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
