Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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