i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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