how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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