I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
