I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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