I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
