i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
