So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
