I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I wish there were birth control emojis
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
