Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
