Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
