Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out