From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
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I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
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took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.