All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.