So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.