I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?