They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.