dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
