That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
