some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
