So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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