Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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