i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My balls are so social today.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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