Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize