I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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