so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
