i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
