thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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