My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
