You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
