If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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