I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you would pick up someone in the library
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
